He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize