you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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