I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And then he peed in my hair
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