dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize