He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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