I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
