One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
