I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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