i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
