My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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