Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I deserve this hangover.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
