Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
