Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
