The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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