It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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