I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
