I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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