FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
