i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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