i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
