Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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