So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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