i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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