just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
