Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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