Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
