She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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