your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
there is puke in my bra ... again
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