Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
