i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
