I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
