Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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