if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
