Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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