see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize