babies were throwing up all over the place
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
