I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
