they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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