I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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