even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
