you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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