Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
