Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
