hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
