There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
