had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
