(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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