Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
