If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
