he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
