I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
