I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
