Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
