I think I died a long time ago.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
