There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we're so committed to being not committed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
