Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't deserve a penis
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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