Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He? As in you personified your dick?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
