just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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