I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize