I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
