what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
