'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
