I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
