there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize