When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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