I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
