The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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