You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
